Category Archives: medium

I’m late! But, not pregnant.

Day 38 of my cycle and no period yet.  Took a million pregnancy tests and went to the doctors office yesterday.  I knew I wasn’t pregnant.  Didn’t feel any of the symptoms.  But I did think it was weird that my period hasn’t arrived yet.  Still hasn’t.  Lots of wet discharge though.  At least twice a day I feel like, oh, here it is and then it’s still clear.  So when the hell will it arrive now?  Clomid f**ked me up that much that my period is taking almost 40 days to arrive?  So the doctor first thought I was ovulating late and now perhaps not ovulating at all.  My husbands sperm shape is in the 1% range and it needs to be 4%, but he has plenty of it we’re told so that’s a good thing.  He went to get a trial wash on Wednesday but turns out the place he went just did a regular analysis (which he did last month and a few times before), so that was a waste of a trip.  Someone not doing their job correctly and following instructions on the doctors order (this place is not affiliated with my doctor thank goodness).  That’s annoying.  The wash was supposed to show if it was a higher percentage, stripped down so we could try artificial insemination.  Since both of us have a little bit of an issue with trying to conceive she recommended seeing a fertility specialist.  So, here we go.  I think it’s total bullshit that everyone and their mother get pregnant at the drop of a hat or when they aren’t even trying or want to have a baby.  I also think it’s total bullshit that we have to go through all of this to become parents when it’s quick and natural for so many.

Our health insurance does have a program that helps with the cost of fertility options, which is really awesome.  There’s one good thing!  I’m waiting to hear back from the nurse who has been assigned to me to tell me which location I’d have to go to.  Then my doctor will let me know if they know anyone there to recommend specifically.  She took blood to check something (I forget) that maybe I need more folic acid and also recommended taking Pregnitude which is a natural reproductive support dietary supplement.  In the mean time, I also need to ask how long do we wait for my period to arrive?  What if it never arrives?  I’ve always been regular so this kind of freaks me out.  Should I take clomid again this month once my period does arrive or can I stop taking it?  I think I’d prefer to stop taking it if I have a choice, but if they say it’ll help me then I suppose I need to continue to take it?  This all sucks and is confusing and shitty.

I’m hoping my medium was right.  She said she was spring time/Easter eggs with any sort of baby news.  Maybe that means we will conceive in the next few months.  Have to have something positive to focus on, right?

I do hot yoga, I walk on the treadmill at the gym, I take a pilates class.  I’m now thinking about acupuncture and an extreme diet of just spinach and sweet potatoes.  Then I think, what does it matter to try certain things because there is always going to be some problem.  I guess we just see the specialist and take it from there.  The place I’m thinking we have to go is not close so that sucks…lots of appointments, far away, interferes with work and what not.  This whole thing just sucks.  Trying to stay positive is difficult.

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Strong Energy

I had an appointment with a Medium this morning.  The experience left me in awe, happy and at peace.  Before I went to see her I didn’t have too strong of a feeling one way or the other if someone who passed could actually communicate with this world, but the feeling always did lean more towards me believing that they could.  Today solidified that.  I spent one glorious hour with my husband’s father who passed two months ago.  It started when she asked me to hold the amethyst stone she handed me.  It was in my hand for what seemed to be just a few seconds, and my palms were sweating.  I felt embarrassed when she asked for me to pass the stone back to her and I apologized for it being hot and sweaty.  Turns out, I wasn’t to be embarrassed at all.  That meant there was a strong energy in the room. She started by telling me to cut the tarot card deck in as many piles as I’d like.  With my favorite number being 11 that is what I intended to do.  Cut it in 11 piles.  Could you imagine if my favorite number was 194?  That wouldn’t have worked.  So 11 piles it was.  As I was doing this she said “they are laughing at you right now”.  They, being the spirit(s) in the room.  I had to pick one pile for her to start with.  As soon as I picked that and she placed the cards back into one deck with the pile I picked on top, she said “there is a song running through my head and I’m trying to decipher if you like this song, hate this song or don’t even care about this song and it’s Taylor Swift’s song, Shake It Off”.  OMG!  This song has been in my head for days.  I even shared with my coworkers the other morning at our meeting that it’s been stuck in my head and sang it to them.  It’s super catchy and I just love it!  Ha!  The Spirit was telling me that they hear me and they love that song too.  There is a message in this song that if something is bothering you, just shake it off.  I went to the appointment hoping to connect with my husband’s dad and this makes sense.  He’s shaking of the past years he suffered with MS and is now moving about and having fun. She then mentions that someone to my left is highly opinionated and wants her to pull 7 cards.  (Normally she pulls less, I forget the number). Another sign to me, without her knowing still, that it’s HD (husband’s dad).  He passed away on 7/7/14.  While I recorded the session, I wish I took pictures of the cards.  The Ace of something is what she talked about first.  This love – between me and my husband, was hard fought.  She said we must really want this and asked if that made sense to me.  It’s the highest love card in the whole deck and said that if there is something that we both want so badly and fight for it, it will be ours until the day we take our last breath.  It also means that what we’ve been through hasn’t been easy either. She said that we have a love that people are jealous of.

The medium at this point doesn’t know who the spirit is.  She asks if my dad is still with us.  I reply yes.  Then she asks about my mother.  I say yes.  I then say that HD is no longer with us.  Should I have said that at all?  Am I supposed to lead her to who I want to talk with today?  Do I believe it’s him here with me now?  Well, the answer is yes.  Although those thoughts were going through my mind, what happens throughout the entire session proves that it was HD, to my left, communicating with me.  She says “there is a dad over there and this is the mourning card”.  I mentioned the fact that he passed away on 7/7/14 and perhaps that is why he wanted 7 cards to be drawn.  She then asks if HD’s wife (husband’s mom) misses her husband.  At first I’m thinking, what kind of a question is that!?  But, then again, there are situations where a spouse may not miss or love the other spouse.  A Queen card was drawn and that signified that the mom and dad are still in love and that doesn’t get broken when someone passes. It also bounced off of the mourning card.  My husband’s parents did love one other very much.  They still do.  She always refers to him as her one and only and wishes they had more time together. The medium then asked the spirit if he was the one who brought up the song Shake It Off.  Yes!  He’s having a great time dancing all around and may not be the best at it.  If you watch Taylor Swift’s music video to that song, she just does her thing even though she’s not a great dancer.  He said “I’m learning how to do stuff”.  That means he is going to play with all of my (our) senses.  Sight, sound, hearing, touch.  The easiest way for us to recognize him is through our senses.  He was so limited with what he could do living with MS that he is now waving his arms and dancing around!   Later in the session she did mention that most spirits pick one way to connect versus every way.  I think HD can’t pick one way right now because he is having so much fun using all of his senses that he couldn’t enjoy for the past few years of his life.  Good for him!

So many more positive things happened during this session that all make sense.  I have the recording of it so I can listen back from time to time.  I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a bit now and today seemed like the right time after my appointment with a medium.  My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 17 months.  We suffered an ectopic pregnancy and the baby would be arriving this week.  This is part of the reason I wanted to try and connect with his dad.  To get to know him better (since unfortunately I never got to know him when he was healthy) and to help with the grieving process of losing him and also our baby.  I’m thankful that I got to spend time with him today and that it helped me to begin this blog.  I’ve talked openly about our loss and have been told by others that I have helped them through difficulties also.  I hope that I can assist others through their journey of infertility and loss.

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