Sex is supposed to be fun, right? I think it’s definitely true that when you first meet someone you do this more often than not. Once married, it does change. It has to do with normal routines and opposite works schedules I’m sure. It’s not that you don’t want to share an intimate moment with your significant other. It just turns into a chore, if you will. We try to make it fun. Turns out, it’s not so sexy when trying to have a baby. People say “oh, the fun of trying”. What fun? Does fun include you telling your husband that your discharge is extra dischargy so it’s time to “make a baby”? Does fun include having to use lube (Pre-Seed specifically because oil based lubes aren’t good for getting pregnant) because we don’t have a lot of time between work schedules..we just have to get it done? Does fun include NOT having oral sex because saliva could interfere with baby making too? So, how sexy is sex when trying to make a baby? Not very sexy.
If you read my post “Self-Sabotage” you will also know that this plays a part in the game of baby making. I don’t feel sexy. I’m sexy to my husband but not sexy to myself. I want lights off, me on bottom and preferably with my shirt on. How sexy is that!? I’ve learned that I’m sexy to him no matter what though so I’ve overcome those types of issues. Sometimes. Not always. But, the last time we made love (for a baby during ovulation time) I let myself go. I didn’t think about my fat or the lights. I did what he wanted by being on top and guest what!? I survived! So I’m going to try and focus on sexy time becoming sexy again.
Another reason I can’t focus on sexy time being sexy is that I had some major itching problems going on down there (now taken care of). Who knew that when you have increased sexual activity, the PH balance of your vagina is off? And, my bum was itching so badly that I felt like there was never a time I was not scratching it. I would do it at home (scratch, in front of my husband) and at work in the privacy of my own office. Every time my husband saw me do it and be disgusted (um, he does disgusting things in front of me too) I’d say that he has to live with it! It finally dawned on me that I needed to see the doctor about it ASAP when I chose to scratch in a hallway at work that I knew no one would be walking down at that time.
I went to the doctor and explained my troubles. He looked and his first reaction was “wow, that’s really raw”. Um, ya. We talked about what the possible causes could be. He said that increased sex could be one. Effecting the PH balance in my vag. I then explain that I tend to lay in bed after with my legs up for a better chance of getting pregnant (ha, is this for real?) and perhaps my husbands semen is doing this to me? Am I allergic to his semen!? We used condoms before trying to get pregnant. And sometimes when we didn’t he’d release on my stomach and then my belly button would be irritated. Am I allergic to my husband!? The doctor seems to think it’s not an allergy (thank goodness) but I definitely had some stuff going on down there. After a diflucan pill and some cream for my bum, I’m doing much better. Haven’t scratched in a while.
So now that I’m itch free….maybe the sexy in sexy time will come back. I’ve also been advised to NOT lay there with his semen all over my vag. Wipe it up, take a shower (before and after – that makes sexy time even more fun right? All these things you have to do to get prepared)? Friends have told me that’s the trick though. Lay there. I’ve read that too. So does it really work? In our case, not really since it makes me itch!
Trying to make a baby takes away from “sexy time”. Instead of just a feeling of wanting to be with your significant other, it’s more of a “we have to do this NOW” type thing. Could we make it more sexy during ovulation time? Sure. But our schedules don’t really allow that. We don’t have the same schedule. I have the nice M-F 9 to 5 gig and he does not. So even if we tried to make it a 12 hr, 24 hr, 36 hr lapse during ovulation, it will never work. If we had to get that scientific, we’d have to meet in a parking lot somewhere and get it done!
My weight and body issues don’t add anything good to this mix either. Prime ovulation time may be me feeling like a whale. It’s definitely not so sexy then. I feel bad for my husband at this point. I won’t not have sex during prime time since it’s great baby making time, but I’m not feeling it nor do I feel like I’m giving the best I can towards him.
Oh the joys of trying to make a baby! I commit to myself to try and make sexy time more enjoyable, at all times, by putting my disorder, body image, and goal for making a baby aside. Husband and wife should be able to have sexy time just because they want sexy time!
So here’s to making sexy time, actually sexy!